“I saw one just like this in Paris a very long time ago when daddy took mum and I on one of his trips. He promised he would buy me one when I turned sixteen.” Quietly, Hussein went to sit by her on the bed and listened, aware that she was telling him something that she had probably never told anyone. “I was ten then. Every year after that, I’d remind him of his promise on my birthday. He used to laugh and say, “Pumpkin, I see you reminding me in my dreams every day.”
“Did he buy it?” She looked at him with unseeing eyes.
“No. He left us before he could.”
He took her hands in his but she quickly withdrew and folded them. “He called me his pumpkin and told me he loved me every day, but he left me. And he left mum too.”
And every night before she fell asleep, she had wondered why. Why did he leave them? Is that what you do to the people you are supposed to love? Do you leave them without a word? She was unaware of the tears that caroused down her cheeks. She was only caught up in the pain that had never really gone away.
“We looked for him everywhere,” she continued. “I was twelve and still in junior high school. He told us he was going to get ice-cream on a rainy night but he never came back. He abandoned us. Mum hired investigators and we put up articles in the newspapers, but he did not come back. Then mum started losing it. She would start speaking to him when he wasn’t there, at supper or breakfast or when we were watching television. She would make a comment and expect him to answer, and when he didn’t she’d start crying again. I was scared that she was going to leave me too.”
She recounted waking up in the middle of the night to her mother’s screams, fear clawing at her heart as she covered her ears to blot out the screams. And she remembered the day she had finally told herself that no one was going to take care of her if she did not. That was when she decided to take control over her own life and that of her mother’s.
She dropped out of boarding school and arranged for personal tutorials till the end of JHS3. And when it came time to choose a senior high school, she chose to be a day student in a school that was close to home so that she could be with her mum because her mum needed her.
And she had needed somebody too. She had needed her father by her.
“And she still does,” she added.
“What about you?” He asked quietly. “Who do you need?”
“I don’t need anyone. I never have since he left. Yet, she was still crying and her fists were tightly clenched on the mattress as if she needed to hold onto something. As if she needed support.
Hussein shifted closer and hugged her. And because she did not fight him, he hugged her even more tightly. She had been twelve, he thought. Of course, she had needed somebody. Even if she would not admit it to anyone. Twelve-year olds did not take care of their mothers. It was supposed to be the other way around.
“I will never leave you,” he said quietly but she heard him. It made her cry even harder because she knew that even though he had no obligations toward her, he meant what he said. But this time around, she would be the one to leave. The one who had to go back to reality.
She sat like that for a while, a few minutes, hours, she did not know but it felt good to be in his arms. Even if it was just for a while.
She had relaxed visibly in his arms. Hussein wanted so much to absorb her pain, seeing her as distraught as she had been had rendered a severe blow to his heart. But now, he was content to just hold her in his arms. If only now could be forever.
“Hussein?” Kimberly’s eyes were heavy from crying so much and her throat was as parched as a desert.
“Hmm?” he responded.
“I’m thirsty.”
“I’ll get you a glass of water.” He reluctantly let her go. “I’ll be back.”
When he came back, she was fast asleep on the bed. He set the glass of water on the bedside table. Because the room was only partly furnished, he sat by her on the bed. She looked so peaceful and angelic in sleep. Serene and sacred like something out of a painting. He could keep looking at her forever.
How many times had he lay in this same bed tormenting himself with images of Kimberly Greene? And now here she was sleeping in his bed after crying her heart out.
He still could not wrap it around his mind that she had suffered so much at such a young age. Do you leave the people you love? She had asked him.
He had seen his parents in love. And till death had finally separated them, those two had never been apart from each other. It had irked his grandfather in the beginning till the old man himself had been sucked up into the love that Suzan Mubarak nee Mensah had had to give. If Kimberly’s father had loved them as much as she said he had, then something must be wrong somewhere. He couldn’t help wondering what it was. What would make a rich man who loved his family so much suddenly disappear without a trace? It was something he was going to find out, for Kimberly, he told himself. Not because he wanted to have a fighting chance with her.
On impulse, he took off her shoes and massaged her feet, first the right then the left. Her feet were soft and pliant and warm. She made little moaning sounds but did not stir from sleep. He drew little circles inside her feet as a mighty wave of protectiveness washed over him. He wanted to keep her safe and to assure her that he would not let anything hurt her ever again. If only she would let him close enough.
He wanted to look at her while she slept. He retrieved a blanket from the adjoining room and laid it on the floor beside the bed. He dared not sleep by her. Just when he was about to fall asleep, her phone rang. It kept ringing incessantly. He checked the caller ID. It was her mother. Hussein did not know if he should answer it or not. From the incessant ringing of the phone, it appeared to be an emergency but he did not want to disturb her sleep so he answered.
“Hello, Kimberly?” the voice was shrill and worried, like somebody on the verge of tears. “I’ve been trying to reach you for so long. Are you okay?”
“Hello, Mrs Greene, this is Hussein Mubarak. Kim –”
“Hussein Mubarak? Are you Jessica’s brother? Where is Kimberly? Is she okay? Why are you answering her phone? Did something happen –”
“Kimberly is fine, Mrs Greene. I promise. She –”
“But why are you answering her phone?”
“Kimberly is asleep. I did not want to disturb her.”
“But she never forgets to call before bed. Are you sure she is asleep?”
Hussein instantly understood all the late-night calls she made. She talked to her mother every night before bed because she was still taking care of her mother. Even though it was what the perfect daughter would do, he was angry that she had no one to take care of her. She had no one to lean on. “I’ll take care of you,” he promised quietly.
“What? What did you say? Are you there?” He did not realise that he had spoken aloud.
“I said I’ll let her know that you called when she wakes up.”
“Oh, okay.” There was a long pause but the line did not cut. She was still on the line. Understanding dawned instantly. “Unless you want to be stuck with me,” he said.
There was a sigh of relief on the other side followed by a small laugh. “I guess. Do you know when Kimberly will come back home?”
“I’m not sure myself,” Hussein replied. He wished she would never leave. Then he realised just how selfish that thought was. Her mother obviously needed her at home more than he wanted her here with him.
“Okay, but can you find out for me?”
“Why don’t you ask her? It would be easier.”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you mean?”
There was a pause. “I guess it’s because I feel too guilty. This is the first ever long trip vacation that she has taken in years. I don’t want to ruin it by asking her to come back.” There was another silence. “I wish things were different.”
“How different?”
“Did you say you were Jessica’s brother?”
Hussein did not miss her tactics. It was the same one that her daughter had used earlier that evening. They changed the subject without warning when they did not want to continue the conversation. He also knew from tonight’s example that Mrs Greene would come back to the topic on her own.
“No,” he answered. “I’m her cousin.”
“Oh, I think she mentioned you once. How is she?”
“She is fine.”
“She is a very good person. She and Kimberly have been friends since high school.”
Hussein had not known that.
“Sometimes I think she is the only real friend my daughter has and it is all my fault.”
“I don’t think that is true, Mrs Greene.”
“It is.” Her voice was sad. “And please call me Mabel.”
“Well, Mabel, I don’t think you are to blame for anything.”
“You don’t understand. When her father, my James, left, I thought my world had come to an end. I just didn’t want to accept it. Not without an explanation. I didn’t think of my daughter who had also lost her dad. I never saw her cry when she realised that James was not coming back. I thought she was strong enough to take care of herself and of me. I let myself think that because I was selfish.”
“I’m sure Kimberly doesn’t think so. She loves you.”
“I know she loves me and I love her too. She put her life on hold to take care of me, and I let her. A good mother wouldn’t have done that. And now, even after all these years, I’m still letting her. I can’t seem to stop thinking that one day she is going to walk out too and never come back.”
“I assure you Kimberly will never abandon you.”
“That worries me too. She will never take that decision to leave, to live. At least not until she finds out and understands why her father left. If only I could find the answers myself.”
A thought occurred to Hussein in that moment. If he could find out why her father left, maybe Kimberly would not worry so much about leaving either, then he could have a chance with her. It was just a thought but it gave him hope, so he latched on to it.
“I can help you find the answers you seek, if you’ll let me.”
“I appreciate your willingness to help but I’m afraid there is nothing to be found. We hired the best detectives and petitioned the public to no avail. Besides, it was such a long time ago.”
“I understand,” Hussein said. But he was not going to give up the idea anyway. There was no harm in trying if it meant a chance to be with Kimberly.
