Jessica almost laughed from relief. Almost. Looking at the miserable woman in front of her, she knew laughter was out of the question. Just as she knew who the him in question was. “How did that happen?” It was a dumb question and she knew it but she did not know what else to say. She was good with words only when she was writing steamy romance or blood turning thrillers.
Kimberly only cried more. Finally, after some less than attractive sniffles and smears on her cheeks, she said, “I should have seen it coming.”
“Did you tell him?”
“No. It would have been pointless anyway. Why complicate matters when I know he does not love me back?”
“Did he tell you that?”
“Not in so many words.”
“I don’t think it’s such a bad thing, Kim. You are going to be alright.”
“You think?”
“Yeah, I’m sure. You are the toughest young woman I know. You won’t let this break you and you will definitely get over it once you are back home.”
“You are right,” Kimberly said. “Out of sight, out of mind.”
Relieved at the progress, Jessica asked, “so, do you want to come down for some food or do you want it up here?”
“I don’t think I want to go down just yet.”
“I’ll go prepare a tray for you myself,” Jessica said and stood up. “And one more thing, no matter what happens, I am always going to be here for you. I promise.”
“Thank you.”
“You will be fine. You’ll see.”
The days passed in a blur for Kimberly. She woke up every morning and did the same things all over again. She had no interest in anything else. She stayed back when Jessica, Emma and Ladipole went out and only made it as far as the kitchen to grab a bite. She never stayed long to chat after supper, afraid that Hussein might walk in and she had stopped going down to the big couch to make late night calls to her mother –her mother had insisted that it was not necessary which had surprised Kimberly a great deal.
Suddenly her life had been turned upside down. She was no longer sure of her emotional being and now, the rules which she had written down for her life and so studiously followed only mocked her. She wanted to go home. Back to the life she knew and handled so well.
She had five days before she could resume work at BozCo, if she decided to go back. She was already counting the days to when she could have a peaceful sleep in her own bed without the tormenting thoughts of a man she had written out of her life before he even could walk in. She had already decided to leave in two days. That would give her enough time to prepare herself and her mind to continue her life from where she had left off because here in Mapungi, was not her life and it could never be her life. It was not her reality and she planned to leave as she had come.
Kimberly informed everyone at supper that evening that she had ordered a car to come and pick them up. Because Jessica was not returning with them, she had arranged for a car to convey them to the nearest town where Kimberly’s driver could pick them up. Ladipole opted to stay back for the festive seasons so it was down to just her and Emma.
After supper, she personally went to inform Rueda too. She was surprised when the housekeeper instantly burst into tears at the news. It took a while for her to convince Rueda with a promise that she might return in the near future to inspect the school she was building.
The only person left to inform was Hussein. Kimberly did not think she would do it. She was not a coward but she was not a fool either. She could never tell him herself. They had said their goodbyes once and that was more than enough.
As she penned down her ideas for the school building, she thought of all the children who would finally have the chance at a good education. A chance, she thought. A Chance Academy. She turned the name over in her head and liked the sound of it. It was definitely better than Mapungi school which Sadiq Farouki had suggested. As she wrote down the name, a knock sounded on the door.
“Coming,” she called. She replaced the fountain pen and went to open the door. Hussein stood in front of her, his left hand in his pocket and a booklet in his right hand. Her heart did a little jump before she could school herself enough to speak. “Hey,” she said and then she did not know what else to say.
“How are you?” He asked coolly.
“Fine. You?” she heard the nervousness in her voice and chided herself for it. Why could she not be as cool around him as he appeared to be around her.
“Okay.” He stared at her as if he was looking into her soul and her discomfort increased with every passing second. Finally, he said, “this came for you.” He handed her the booklet.
“What is it?”
“A messenger brought it from Farouki.”
“Ah, yes.” she had been expecting it for two days already. “Thank you, but you didn’t have to bring it yourself.”
“I wanted to.” He cleared his throat. “May I come in?”
No! you may not come in. “Yes,” she replied nervously, “come in.” She stepped aside and he walked in. “You can sit here.” She pointed to the chair she had just vacated, and sat on the bed. Then, she made a show of flipping through the booklet to cover her nervousness.
“What is it about?”
“It’s the stipulations under which I’m acquiring the land for my school.”
“You should read it carefully,” he said with all seriousness. “That man cannot be trusted.”
“Sadiq Farouki does not strike me as an insincere man. In fact, he appears to be genuinely pleased with my ideas.”
“Appearances can be deceptive.”
“Yes, they can be but my instincts tell me to trust him on this, and I trust my instincts.”
“You do?”
“Yes.”
“So, what do your instincts tell you now, about us?”
And there it was. The confrontation that she had been avoiding for the past six days. Kimberly stood up from her bed and walked to the window. As she stared across the land, she pictured his house far off in the distance, uncompleted but still beautiful with the canopy bed and a kitchen that would put many great hotels and restaurants to shame. It was the perfect home for growing a family. But even farther away waiting for her was a three-storey mansion with only her mother in it for family. That was her home. That was her reality.
Her decisions were never easy but she had to make them. She turned away from the window. Some things were better said full on and face to face, without a trace of doubt. Only then could they be believable. “I am going back home in two days and I am not coming back.”
He sat there quietly. The only visible reaction she got from him was the clenching of his jaws as his eyes bore a hole into her face. Suddenly the need to pace overwhelmed her. And even as she paced, his eyes followed her up and down.
“Were you going to tell me?”
“I’m telling you now.”
Hussein got up from the chair and folded his arms over his chest. His eyes never wavered from her for a second. “Otherwise you would never have told me. You were going to run. I did not peg you for a coward, Kimberly Greene.”
She whirled on him. “I am not a coward and I was not going to run. Telling you or not telling you makes no difference. My mind is already made up.”
“You did not answer my question. What do your instincts tell you about us? Or are you too afraid to listen to your instincts now?”
“My instincts are completely mine to do with as I please.”
“So, you are not listening to them now,” he said ruefully.
The seconds flew by. It felt like hours. And in the silence, she paced while he watched.
“Stop pacing.” She stopped. “That night,” he said carefully, “I had imagined thing differently.” He did not specify which night. He did not have to. She knew, as much as she knew that she would never forget the pain of walking away. She waited for him to continue. “We were supposed to have dinner under the stars.”
“It was not –” she started but he interrupted.
“And I was supposed to tell you something I should have told you earlier, before you went out with that guy.”
“What were you going to tell me?”
“They are two things now.” He closed the distance between them and took her hands in his. Kimberly had to look up into his face. His handsome face was contorted in anguish. Her heart went out to him. She wanted to smooth her hand over his face and take his pain away. But that would only leave her open and vulnerable.
Hussein took in a deep breath. He was bringing all his cards forward, throwing his last ace really, and he did not know where that would leave him. But it was better to give it all and loose than to not play at all. He had thought long and hard about what he was going to say to her when she finally stopped avoiding him. He just had not expected it to be so soon. “I was going to tell you that I love you. And I want to ask you now to marry me.”
Her intake of breath was loud. She thought the surge of joy was going to fell her. It was all she wanted to hear. She could not find her voice. But then again, she did not know what she would have said if she could. She wanted to laugh and she wanted to cry. No, she wanted to scream out her joy and pain. Yet, she did neither. She simply stared at him as her heart leapt wildly in her chest before it slowly broke into a million pieces. He had given her the best gift,one she could have only dreamt of, but with that gift came pain so great she could not withstand it.
She remembered the question she had asked him on that fateful night. If I were to fall in love with you and you with me, if you proposed marriage to me and I accepted, would you leave here… to stay with me? He had not given her an answer to her question and she had taken his silence to mean no. Or worse, that he did not love her. She had an overpowering urge to know his answer now.
“I love you, Kimberly Greene,” he said. “More than I could have imagined loving one person. Marry me, please. I promise I’ll do everything in my power to make you happy. Will you marry me?”
Yes! Yes! She wanted to shout it on top of her lungs.
“Will you be my wife?”
Kimberly wound her arms around his neck and lifted herself to her toes. She kissed him with all of her breath. She poured her soul into the kiss. She wanted him to know her heart’s answer to his proposal, even if she could never affirm it herself. She kissed him with all her strength.
Somebody should have told her that love was not fair, that love was painful. Not even all of Jessica’s jokes about love had prepared her for this because love had never featured in her wildest imaginations. I love you, Hussein, she cried in her heart. I love you more than you will ever know. More than I can ever say. More than I can handle.
“Is that a yes?”
Kimberly froze in his arms. He was waiting for an answer and she had let herself be carried away by emotions. She pushed out of his embrace, ending the kiss as quickly as she had begun it and unable to stand it any longer, she fled the room.
